emotional booty call

my coworkers are loyal to a core and honest as heck. they are over this boy, this situation, and my constant heartbroken wining. my darling work twin told me i was just being his booty call, and when i confidently assured her we've never even kissed, she goes "fine, you're his emotional booty call." 

jerk. 

she's right though. if he seems evenly slightly ready to talk or hang, i will clear my whole day to devote to him. it's pathetic. when he's ready, i show the heck up. 

i'm working to just let him go, because he's clearly not interested or not interested enough in making a commitment at this time. i want to be ok with that, but i wholly feel like he's going to be the one that got away. and there's not a dang thing i can do about it. i've tried. i've tried to not let him get away, but i can't make him stay. its breaking my heart to let go of him, knowing i might not get him back, but i'm holding on to someone who isn't mine. 

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we reached a new point in our relationship this week: i required that he respect me. he's not mean to me, but he blame casts on me and doesn't respect my time, even on just a friendship level. it's the first time i have told him that i'm not being psycho to ask for the simple thing that i was. something's shifted, and i don't know that i like it. 

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i'm supposed to see him this weekend. and of course i want to, but i also want my heart to stop hurting. and maybe cutting him out of my life for a while is the best way to do that? 

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to be continued.