For more than a month now, my best friend has made me question everything. And I'm gonna be honest, I'm starting to lose it a little. We didn't dance the night away, but we did attend a formal event together. I felt like a princess before he showed up, but as soon as he did, I walked around like a freaking queen. I felt like absolute royalty. He was nothing short of charming perfection. But of course, he always is.
Here's the reality: I am falling in love with my best friend.
And he's not settled on me. He's not opposed to me, I know that much. But my heart is becoming more and more settled on him and everything he is, and he seems to be content exploring other options. If I had a dollar for everytime the thought "it's just not fair" entered my head, I think I could pay cash for the house he's looking at.
I love the area he's looking. I love his hopes and dreams, and I can see myself fitting so perfectly into them if only he'd let me. I love how sexy yet absolutely cheese sauce he is. And I love that he doesn't really seem to care what others think of him...until he's not sure how he looked doing something, then he's adorably self-conscious. I suppose I love and hate that he always asks me what I think of him and what he's doing. As if he's seeking my approval, but yet he doesn't seem to regard it as much. He doesn't, however, seem to ask other girls for theirs, so I suppose there's that to be thankful for.
Oh, how my heart aches to just have answers. I'm not confused, I know exactly what I want. I know more and more every day, every prayer, every conversation that he is who I want to spend my time at the very least "getting to know" but if we're honest, dating...with. I want to date my best friend and I'm ready to risk it all to let him know that in no uncertain terms. He knows I'm "open" to the idea, but bro needs to know it's basically all I think and pray about. This potential future seems so logical. Seems so right. I have to trust the Father, and I'm trying. But man, if y'all knew this guy...you'd understand why the idea of letting him go is an excruciating one.
